So I am sitting here with all these feelings and yet I couldn't identify one feeling I'm having right now. Sounds ridiculous right? Have you ever been in the position where you didn't know where you wanted to be or who you wanted to be but knew that what you had wasn't right or wasn't enough anymore? That's where I am. Maybe four days at home sick alone will do that to you.

I have become this person that a few years ago if you had described me as a person to past me, she would be terrified. For so long I've known that I have changed but had no desire to change back or into a better me. Probably because I didn't know how to for so long. Now after four days of being sick at home alone I think I do. I literally have to leave behind my past. Meaning friends who know me as who I am now have to be left behind temporarily, quit going out drinking every chance I get and focusing on certain relationships. I think I knew what I had to do in the past but was never willing to do it. I wasn't willing to give up the party scene and make smarter choices. But now, now I feel like a prisoner and the only way to get free is to get free of who I am now.

I feel in order to clear this fog in my head I have to disconnect completely. Which is probably another reason I am starting a blog. Makes sense right? Haha. Plug in so I can unplug. But it's so I can get my feelings out but not actually have to speak to anyone. I'm tired, I'm tired of feeling these thousand of emotions. I need change. I need change. I am going to make change happen because I am tired of feeling unidentified.